Dr. Demogio was my speech class lecturer in the University in the 1980’s. In one of the courses, “avoiding communication breakdown”, he taught us the secret to his 48-year-old marriage. He said between him and his wife that one of them must be right, and the other must be wrong in the event of an argument. He said further that eighty percent of the time they had an argument, he as the husband accepted guilt or being wrong: all for the sake of having a peaceful marriage.

This short but powerful ingredient to successful marriage explains what Apostle Paul said,

“For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Eph. 5: 23-25).

The husband as the head of the house takes the lion share of every thing; leading in every thing; enduring more in every thing; and accepting more of any responsibility, right or wrong. Some wives could be stubborn and would not succumb to being at fault. Husband should take responsibility. It is not stupidity, but understanding the weakness of the other party.

In my 31 years of marriage, I have put to practice this principle, and it worked. Apostle Paul said,

“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not” (1Cor, 10:23).

It may be lawful for you to proof your point right, however, your wife may insist to disagree with you, should that cause any quarrel. It is not expedient if the disagreement generates to fight or quarrel. Future will always proof things to be right or wrong. Why not one of you accepts to be wrong to allow peace to reign, or, why not wait to proof yourselves right. Patience, most of the time throws light to unknot what is not clear.

As Christian couple, it is not edifying to see you quarrelling or fighting on matters that need to be dialogued out with understanding. It is not edifying for your children or an outsider seeing both of you fighting. It does not even edify our faith or the name of our God by who we are called.

When Sarah became wrath, accusing Abraham concerning Hagar, who was despising Sarah because she bore Ishmael for Abraham, God spoke to Abraham to yield to Sarah’s request, to throw out the bondservant and her child. God understands Sarah’s situation, and that Abraham could bear without the maid and her son than for Sarah to cope with being despised. Understanding that Sarah, the wife, is a weaker vessel.

Avoiding communication breakdown requires a solid foundation that is built on a solid rock – Jesus. If storm comes, it stands unshaken. A storm that scatters or causes dissolution of marriage will not affect a marriage that has Jesus as its foundation. A marriage without Christ will be full of crises.

The husband has the highest responsibility to carry. He is to love the wife as Christ love the church. Christ bore our weakness, bore our reproach, washed us clean, delivered us, hides nothing from us (truth), shows us the way and gives us life. Likewise, husband should be able to do the same to the wife in order to avoid communication breakdown.

Advise to spouse

  • Try to avoid spontaneous response to one another
  • Wait a minute, consider others opinion
  • Swift to hear and slow to answer
  • Communicate daily no matter where you are
  • Stick with all disagreement until they are resolved
  • Do not blame others when mistake occurs but think together on solution
  • Do not abandon one another in any problem
  • Allow for expression of feeling to suppress emotion
  • Avoid third party in you matters

Finally, Apostle Paul said

“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband” (1Cor. 7:3).

Husband, when there is heat, remember, you are the head, like Jesus, bear the infirmity of your wife.

By Lawrence Abitogun

Related posts:

  1. As Christ is to the Church: so is Husband to the Wife
  2. Love of the Husband to the Family
  3. Wife: the Glory of Her Husband
  4. MAN EXISTENCE IS TO INFLUENCE OTHERS POSITIVELY
  5. Faith and Patience; Key to Promise Fulfillment

About the Author

Lawrence B. Abitogun, called by the special grace of the Almighty God through our Lord Jesus Christ; by the empowerment of the Holy Ghost, witnessing and preaching the gospel to the world, was born to a Christian parents at Uso, Ondo state, Nigeria. He received his elementary and secondary education in Nigeria from 1959-1971. He obtained a Bachelor degree in Fine Arts and a Master of Science in Industrial Arts at North Texas State University, Denton TX USA in 1979 and 1982 respectively.

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